How to Stand Out with Your Online Dating Profile
Some days, online dating feels like a terrible page of Where’s Waldo? I see so many guys’ profiles, but everyone blends together. It’s because they all say the exact same things:
These guys are screwed.
They don’t stand out. For a girl to look twice at a guy’s profile, he has to grab our attention. We know every guy is unique and different, but they’re not showing us how.
Luckily for you, this is your competition.
And you are different.
If you’re here, you’re already smarter than your competition.
There will always be something about you that’s more unique and more interesting than your competition. You just have to highlight it. Here's how:
1. Your online dating profile should be a conversation-starter.
It’s your job to write your profile in a way that makes it easy for girls to
1) find common ground with you, and
2) want to start a conversation with you.
HERE'S WHY: Girls are more likely to respond to a message after we look at a guy’s profile and see a few things we want to learn more about, or we share in common.
HERE'S HOW: The key to making this happen is being more specific. Instead of saying you’re “fun-loving,” actually say what you think is fun. This helps show your personality, and shows girls what you share in common.
Here’s an example of a guy’s profile who does this well:
This profile is great, because I read it and immediately want to ask: Where do you go rock-climbing in the area? How did you get into yoga? When do you play Ultimate Frisbee? Can I come?!
Focus on what makes you tick. Do you have any unusual hobbies? What makes you excited to get up in the morning? What new thing are you looking forward to doing/experiencing/trying this year?
You’re awesome and unique in so many ways, so make sure you’re doing yourself justice! Take your profile to the next level here (and avoid these common profile mistakes).
2. Profile pictures matter even more than you think.
To get girls to read your profile, you must post good photos. And “good” doesn’t necessarily mean “hot.”
HERE'S WHY: Even when a guy takes the time to learn how to write a great online dating profile, it doesn’t mean shit if his pictures make him seem like a raging douche bag. (Seriously, those guys need to put their shirts back on, and back away from the bathroom mirror.)
Girls look at your profile pictures to check out more than your looks. We can learn a lot about you from your photos. If you’re smiling, showing some of your hobbies – maybe doing some rock-climbing, or home-brewing some beer – I think, Cool. That’s a guy I want to get to know.
Some photos that seem harmless can actually be huge mistakes. Not smiling in photos, lots of pics at the bar, and multiple selfies all make me think a guy’s an alcoholic depressive with no friends.
HERE'S HOW: To make sure girls don’t get scared off by your profile pictures, choose the best profile pictures you have, and avoid posting notoriously bad profile pics.
3. Proofread your profile.
HERE'S WHY: When you ignore simple grammar, or write in text-speak, you seem like a lazy jackass – at best. At worst, you look illiterate and flat-out stupid.
HERE'S HOW: The fixes for common grammar mistakes are simple and worth knowing. Once you know the difference between “your” and “you’re,” and remember to check your spelling, pretty much all you have to do is write like a human, not a cell phone from 1999.
Last, take a couple extra seconds to re-read what you wrote, look for typos, and you’ll be golden.
4. Don’t throw yourself a pity party.
HERE'S WHY: 35% of relationships now start online.* And research says those relationships could be happier in the long run than relationships that start off-line.**
So be proud of yourself for being proactive. And be thankful that we live in a time that allows you to date without leaving the house or putting on pants!
An online dating profile is not a place to feel shame, feel sorry for yourself, or list all the ways you’ve been damaged. This will terrify girls. When I see a guy who unloads all his baggage on his profile, I close that shit DOWN.
It’s a serious online dating profile DON’T:
HERE'S HOW: If you’ve had some crap in your past, here is the right way to handle your baggage without sounding whiny and damaged. Let’s keep this space positive and productive.
5. Be honest about who you are.
Some guys try to hide their “flaws” on their profiles. This is stupid and pointless.
HERE'S WHY: No second dates are won with this strategy. If you hide who you are, the right girl won’t be able to find you.
I once went out with a guy who claimed to be 6’ on his profile. When we met in person, he was 5’10” at best. WTF, dude?! Did you think I wouldn’t notice when we were standing eye-to-eye?
HERE'S HOW: Be honest on your online dating profile. It’s OK to be a work in progress. We all are. Your so-called flaws suddenly become no big deal to the right girl once we see that you’re confident in who you are.
6. Be awesome.
HERE'S WHY: This is one place where you get to be yourself. So think about what makes you awesome and tell us about it!
I find it really attractive when a guy knows who he is and knows what makes him happy. I might even message him first.
If you think you’ve got some stuff to work on, it’s OK to mention that, too. You’re a man of action! Self-improvement is attractive, too!
HERE'S HOW: Being awesome at online dating is also about being cool to everyone around you. We’re all in the same boat. There’s the occasional bummer. So be decent to people. Give the benefit of the doubt when you can.
When I get a really nice message from a guy who’s just not right for me, I take two minutes to let him know I appreciate his message and wish him luck.
If a girl does the same to you, pay it forward! Being awesome is about making this a better place for everyone.
That’s it! Half these tips don’t even involve writing! It’s half-profile and half-attitude.
Worried you’re still blending in with the crowd? Let me know. We’ll work together until you’re standing out, like the awesome guy you are.
* "Online Dating: A Critical Analysis From the Perspective of Psychological Science," a 2012 research article published in Psychological Science in the Public Interest
** "Marital Satisfaction and Breakups Differ Across On-Line and Off-Line Venues," a 2013 Study by U.S. researchers in the Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences