Tinder is like the manic pixie dream girl of online dating -- frenetic, free, and you can't believe it's happening to you. When you're together and it's clicking, you're on a total high. But when she goes, she leaves you so, so cold.
Here's how to capture that magic, avoid its pitfalls, and create a system that works to meet women who are looking for real relationships on Tinder. They're out there!
First, understand the basics of how to play the Tinder game. This app caters to fast messaging and impromptu meet-ups -- and more opportunities for you to get to the “dating” part of online dating. It also means that your messaging game needs to be on-point.
When you’re texting back and forth rapidly, it’s easy to get caught up in the moment and accidentally miscommunicate something. Just like messaging on OkCupid or Match, simple mistakes can scare a girl off.
Here are 10 ways to check yourself when you’re texting at light-speed:
1. Avoid mentions of a girl’s body.
Some guys wrongly think it’s flattering to comment on a girl’s appearance. But this sends the wrong message. If the first thing a guy says to me is directed at my boobs, I assume that's all he's interested in. No thank you, sir.
You are better, smarter, and more socially aware than that. (Thank you!) Instead, focus in on common interests and ask her questions that will give you insight into her personality.
Are you more moved by comedy or drama? Which what do you read or watch the most often?
What was the first piece of music you purchased?
A sincere message that goes beyond the superficial will help you stand out. This is the type of message that women who want a relationship will really appreciate. We're looking for these thoughtful, curious messages from guys as a way to rule out the guys who aren't sincere -- the one's who are only interested in hookups.
2. Don’t overlook humor.
Who doesn’t like to laugh? When messaging a girl, show her that you don’t take life seriously all the time and include a joke occasionally. Here it’s key to be strategic about your audience and the kind of humor you use. For example, irony and hyperbole are easy to misunderstand in writing, especially if you’re communicating with a girl who hasn’t met you yet. She’s discovering your personality, too!
Let your sense of humor shine through, but don’t be afraid to add a “haha” or a winky face after you crack a joke so she gets where you’re coming from.
3. Don’t forget to ask her questions about herself.
Some guys make the mistake of thinking a text conversation is the automatic fast-lane to securing a date. Or, worse, they use it as an opportunity to tell a girl alllllll about who they are and why she should go out with them!
When a guy jumps to asking a girl on a date without spending much time getting to know HER, it conveys desperation, like he’d be fine to get ANY warm body on a date. Girls assume this kind of guy doesn’t care who she is, as long as she’s available, with a pulse.
You can prove you’re more evolved than this by asking a girl about herself, her life, her job, and her interests before inviting her on a date. This kind of conversation is REALLY flattering to women - it’s nice when someone is actually interested in who we are, and not just what we look like!
Here’s an example of how a generic, dud guy handles a conversation, and how you can show her you’re worth talking to:
Girl: Oh, advertising’s interesting. Must require a lot of psychology. Generic Guy: Yeah, I like my job. ...Meet me for drinks tomorrow? YOU: It does! I’m always learning, which is one of the perks. But what about you? What do you spend your days doing?
Girl: So you’re more into movies than books? Generic Guy: Yeah, not enough time for both. Want to see Legend this weekend? YOU: I watch more movies than I read books. What about you? You read much?
Girl: So where did you move from? Generic Guy: Chicago. YOU: I came out from Chicago for TV writing. What about you? Are you from Los Angeles?
By simply turning the conversation back to her and showing some curiosity, you’ll prove you're worth meeting, while the generic guy will wonder what he’s missing.
4. No after-dark first messages.
Guys who want a serious relationship should avoid messaging a girl after 10pm. Late-night messages often scare girls off because it conveys that a guy’s interest doesn’t go beyond a girl’s body. When you keep your messages to daytime or early evening hours, you show you’re the kind of guy who’s worth meeting for a dinner date...not just a booty call.
A reasonable exception to the 10pm messaging curfew is if you briefly thank a woman after a date you’ve just had with her. Here are some examples of nice ways to do that:
Example 1: “Tonight was great, thanks!”
Example 2: “It was fun meeting you!”
Example 3: “Perfect night!”
Basically, your strategy here is to leave her wanting more! Give her time to develop a crush on you! Then, resume your conversation the next day.
5. Don’t send messages with grammar and spelling errors.
Although it’s easy to send a typo when texting back and forth, girls are sensitive to lots of spelling and grammar mistakes. It can make a guy look careless and lazy.
You’re a catch! And you’re definitely worth meeting. If spelling and grammar are not your strong suit, start here for some crucial tips on how (and why!) to improve so girls will see you as the intelligent guy you are.
6. Don’t take forever to respond to a text.
Strike when the iron’s hot! If you match with a girl, message her on the spot. Tinder caters to rapid-fire messaging. Guys who do not respond quickly get overlooked or forgotten. When you dive right in and start a conversation, a girl is more likely to respond.
If a girl messages you first, you’re on fire! Try to message her back within 15 minutes. If you do, you’ll likely catch her in time to have a conversation. If you don’t, she might think you’re uninterested and she’ll move on.
7. Don’t hesitate to ask for a date!
Tinder is all about impromptu meetups, so the timeline before asking to meet is a lot shorter than on OkCupid or Match. After a few fun text exchanges, go ahead and lock in a date! For example, you might say:
Hey! I’m having fun chatting, want to do it in person this Thursday?
Looks like we’re both hikers. Before we hit a trail, want to meet over coffee?
You’re fun to chat with! Are you free to get a drink tomorrow night?
8. Don’t reveal everything when there’s a scheduling conflict.
Sometimes guys overshare a bit while scheduling a date. If you can’t commit to a particular time because you’re already going on a date with someone else, it’s OK keep that to yourself!
Even though many people date around, most girls don’t like being told they have competition and probably won’t meet a guy if he tells them they’re one of many girls he’s dating.
If you’re busy, simply tell her you have other commitments that night, and then propose another time you are free. For example:
Clueless Guy: I have another date on Thursday, how about Friday?
YOU: Thursday doesn’t work for me. Are you free Friday?
9. Don’t forget tact.
Online dating is intimidating for everyone. Respectful communication is key when you’re first meeting and texting with someone new. Racial, political, or sexual statements tend to offend if you don't know someone well...and a man who immediately references sex comes across like a sexual predator. Again: no thank you, sir!
10. Don’t forget to schedule another date!
So, you go on a date... you're attracted to her, you feel a connection, she's easy to talk with, you both contributed equally to the conversation, and she's fun to be around. Congratulations! YOU WIN!
So what’s next? Thank her for her time and lock in another date!
For example, you might say:
What a great night! :) Repeat soon?
Hope you had fun tonight, I sure did. Do it again?
Great to meet you! Thanks for a fun night. What do you have planned Thursday?
Use Tinder to Your Advantage!
The right girl is out there, waiting to meet you. We all get a little nervous when we’re talking with someone who makes us feel giddy. Don’t be hard on yourself if you slip up. Just check out these additional tips on Tinder domination to give yourself an extra hand, be your best self, and take pride in knowing you’re a good guy who’s worth meeting!
Smart online dating tips for men. These are the online dating messages that get more replies from women, the profile pictures that increase your odds of meeting more women off-line, and the best ways to get a woman's attention in online dating. If you're one of the good guys, you deserve an edge.