3 Message Examples & Tricks to Hold Her Attention*

*No hypnosis required.

*No hypnosis required.

A first date filled with awkward silences. 

She takes a drink.  You take a drink.  She glances at her phone.  Crickets.  

Awful, right? 

What if you had an easy list of things to talk about on a first date, personalized for every girl...  You’d dominate the first date, right?

Well, online dating GIVES you that list.  It’s her profile.  Use it to prove that she should go on a date with YOU. 

Here’s how to write online dating messages that make her want to meet you:

1) Create a Spark with Real Conversation

Why:  Great conversation leads to great chemistry. 

If I’m on a first date, and the conversation is flowing, the next thing I know, I’m staring at your mouth.  You’re telling a story, but I’m wondering what it feels like to kiss you. 

Game, set, and match

Women look at the way you write the first message, and start the conversation, as an indication of how well you'll play the first date. 

This is where most guys drop the ball.  They write, “How’s your night going?” or “I’m interested in getting to know you.” 

These messages don't make a good first impression because they don’t prove that a guy has read a girl’s profile.  We’ll think he only looked at our pictures before messaging us.  Gross.

How:  Smart guys jump right into a conversation with confidence.  They don’t worry about “testing the waters” – they just drop a line with some really good bait. 

The best bait is asking a simple question about something that’s important to the girl: her hobbies, unusual interests, favorite things, etc.  What stands out to you as interesting in her profile?

What to Say:  “Hey, that’s so cool you’re an EMT.  What’s the best and scariest thing about your job?”

A message like this is great on multiple levels. 

It proves you read her profile.  She’ll be flattered you’re interested in her life and opinions – rather than just her pictures.  She’ll be impressed that you asked her the best question she’s received (probably all month).  And she’ll be more much likely to reply to YOU instead of they guy who just said, “Hey, what’s up?”

2) Make the Conversation Easy for Yourself

Why:  Learn a couple tricks to save time and energy.  You deserve it, man!

How:  There’s a couple ways to do it.  After she replies to your first message, you usually visit her profile again to figure out what to say next, right? 

Next time, while re-reading her profile, make a few notes about conversation topics for future messages.  (Put it in an email draft, your Notes app, whatever.)  This way, you don’t have to spend time looking for more things to talk about with every message. 

Here’s what to note:

1) What you have in common. 

This is the easiest way to start a conversation.  Make sure you ask a question to prompt a response from her.  Questions = continuing conversation.

What to Say:  “I’m so into GOT, too.  Which story line is your favorite right now?” 

2) Things you don’t have in common. 

Sparking a (friendly) debate is engaging.  Engaging conversations are interesting, and keep her interested.

What to Say:  “So I see you’re really into Jay-Z.  I have to say, he’s really disappointed me the last couple years.  Do you see something I’m missing in his new stuff that could change my mind?”

3) Ways to add to something she has in her profile. 

Recommendations for new restaurants, books, movies, games, etc. are friendly, low-pressure, and all-around awesome. 

My own OKC profile mentioned my love of British writers, and some of my favorite messages were from guys who suggested new authors for me to check out.  They sparked some great conversations about books we both loved.

What to Say:  “I love game nights, too.  If you like Catan, you might like Ticket to Ride.  My friends and I just got really into it.  Have you ever played?”

Your notes will keep the conversation flowing quickly and easily, so you'll keep her on the hook. 

3) Hold Her Attention

Why:  Smart guys are vigilant about keeping message conversations going.  People can be busy, forgetful, and distracted.  

But when she’s having a great time messaging you, she won’t forget about you.

How:  Using the techniques above, keep asking her about her life, interests, and your similarities and differences.  You’ll be a breath of fresh air after all those other guys who ask the boring “So how was your weekend?” follow-up message.  Yawn.  You have WAY more to discuss before resorting to weekend plans.

What to Say:  Ask follow-up questions that jump off your original questions.  Has she read A Song of Ice and Fire?  Does she want to bet which GOT character is going to die next?  Or, ask her what Jay-Z’s like live.  What are her favorite lyrics?  Ask her what game she plays with her friends on game night.

When she asks you questions, respond, and then relate the question back to her, or ask, “How about you?” to keep the conversation going. 

Be curious, and show her you want to know her thoughts.

Before you know it, conversation will be flowing.  After a couple awesome message exchanges, she’ll be ready to continue the conversation in person.  Get ready to ask her out!

READ MORE TIPS FOR MESSAGING